Are You Stressing Yourself Just To Impress At a Friend’s Wedding?


It was a Monday morning and I had just woken from sleep. Without even performing wudhu, the thought of a forthcoming wedding occupied my mind.

“Adiza is getting married. I still haven’t been able to buy the prescribed cloth for her wedding (yaayi). I can’t go to her wedding without wearing that cloth. No, I can’t do that.” I said to myself.

“Hmm… Adiza would be very disappointed in me and probably even get angry should she see me wear a dress made of any cloth other than what has been prescribed. Afterall hasn’t she consistently bought every cloth prescribed for all the weddings in my family? The most recent was my cousin’s wedding. Adiza had never met my cousin yet she bought the cloth because of me.” I continued.

“Eiii…what kind of disgrace am I about to subject myself to?”

“The money I was expecting from my debtors too has delayed. Should I borrow from Ali? That doesn’t sound like a good idea. Besides, I am not interested in marrying him. Taking money from him might send him the wrong message. That dude thinks he is rich because he lives in a chamber and hall. Mtcheeww… we want better apartment not chamber and hall. But I really have to find a way to get this cloth. Either I buy it or make up a believable excuse not to attend the wedding but not attending will also be another problem.

Should I borrow from Amina? Oh no, the last time I did that she made sure the whole world heard about it. If I ask my brother too, he will tell me the rent is due. Even if that isn’t the case, he will sit me down and give me a long lecture on why buying yaayi is not a priority. As for him, I feel sorry for his future wife as he doesn’t like giving out money at all. But I surely have to find a way to get this yaayi (cloth). I can’t afford this disgrace.”

That same morning at about 10am, I heard my phone ringing. I checked to see who it was, and bam! I felt this was a heaven-sent opportunity.

“Hi baby, are you home?” He said.

Unlike previous days when I would be mad at him for addressing me that way, this time I just responded in a low tone, sweet voice. He asked me to pass by  his place when I am free. I told him I would be free that evening so will make sure I passed by his place. I couldn’t wait for the evening. At about noon, I told him I was already on my way to his place. For the first time since he started pursuing me, I hadn’t been this responsive to him so he was shocked. Thus he asked me what has changed about me and I lied to him that I was only testing him; to see if he was real. That was why I wasn’t friendly towards him back then. He smiled and asked “does this mean I have passed the test?” I just smiled back though I couldn’t wait to leave his place. I knew I was there for a purpose and wouldn’t leave until I got what I wanted.

Two weeks later, after Adiza’s wedding, I was walking home and as usual, when I got to the base where the guys often sit to chat, I greeted them. I realized they responded in a mischievous manner displaying some malicious smiles. Though I found it puzzling, I didn’t give it much thought. As soon as I got home, my brother approached me, angrily. I was shocked and I stood there asking him to tell me what I have done wrong. He took out his phone, handed it over to me and asked me to play the video displaying on the screen. I pressed “play” and I couldn’t believe what I saw. I just couldn’t believe it. Ali and I in a …. OMG! I couldn’t believe I was the one in the sex-tape.

I was shocked and shivering while my face got covered with sweat. Almost in a stammering voice, I swore it wasn’t me. “This is an edited video. It’s not me. Someone just wants to frame me up.” No one was listening to me. I got confused as I tried recollecting any time I may have had such an encounter with Ali. “I can’t believe it. I had been to his place only once and nothing happened between us.” I kept making the effort to convince my brother and those present at the time.

Little did I know the issue had escalated. Later, found I out the drink Ali offered me when I visited him was drugged. So while I was unaware, he had cohearsed me into sleeping with him. Worse of all, he taped it. I didn’t know of such a video until it had already gone viral and most people in my community had already seen it. I just thought he would be kind to give me the money only because he wanted us to date. “Was the money worth it? Now I have lost my dignity. Such a shame I can’t hide from.” I thought to myself. When I attempted to report the case to the police, his family came to beg me to allow us to settle the matter at home claiming we wouldn’t want to further make the public know what had happened. He is walking around feeling proud of what he has done while I have lost my confidence and self-esteem.

Whenever I remember this incident, I ask myself “how bad could it be if I hadn’t bothered myself with trying to get Adiza’s yaayi (wedding cloth). She probably would have been mad at me. How bad is that? Compared to me losing my self-respect and disgracing myself and my family just because I wanted to please people. What have I gained after that? I indeed learnt a lesson the bitter way. If you have money to spend, fine. But if you dont, don’t put yourself through stress just to meet someone’s expectations.



Image credit: harborgracephotography

Tags: , ,

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *