How Chaos Led Me To A Pious Partner and Today, We’re Happily Married
I sat in my car for close to thirty minutes after driving into the compound. My strength was failing me and my legs felt like jelly. Zack was saying something from behind the window but I didn’t have the strength to read his lips. He had a look of distress, he was waiting to take my bag inside as usual but today seemed [N1] to have changed. My heart sunk and I wanted the ground to open and swallow me. This was extremely difficult for me to comprehend. I slowly opened the driver’s door and slay out of the car bare-footed. I held my Prada bag in one hand and my shoes in another. I walked straight to the door that led to the living-room without saying a word to Zack. I could feel his heavy glance behind me but I just ignored him, at least for now.
The hall was dark and quiet. The terrazzo felt chilly beneath my feet and I walked straight to the nearest sofa and threw myself into one whilst dropping my load into another. I stared meticulously at the ceiling as if searching for leakages. My eyes burnt and teardrops trickled down my cheeks. I quickly shut my eyes tight as if that was going to make the pain go away. I was falling apart and wish I could hold onto something. I grabbed an arm-pillow and quickly wrapped my arms around it in an attempt to sooth my soul. My hijab was wet with sweat and tears but I didn’t have the strength to take it off. My heart was broken and my memory was fading. I tried so hard to remember everything that happened ten years ago. The pain of remembering was excruciating. I could remember every single detail like it was just yesterday. From the accident to meeting my husband.
The mere thought of Ahmed took chills down my spine. How was he going to take this news? I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He had a lot going on with him already and I didn’t want to add up to his problems. I was glad he wasn’t able to come along with me to the hospital. It would have been an overwhelming experience for him. It wasn’t long before I slowly drifted to sleep. I was awoken by a gentle touch on my forehead. It was as though the person was checking my temperature. I managed to open my eyes after a few seconds. It was Ahmed. I wanted to say salaam zawji (my husband) but the muscles around my lips betrayed me and so did my tongue. I was completely clueless as to the very moment I began to shed tears. I could sense the panic and fear in his eyes. He quickly sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me saying: “it is okay, stop crying”. That was what he always said. If you did ask me about my husband, I would say he was my personal angel sent to me by Allah. He was all I could ever ask for and more. He was my Jannah partner and my best friend. I always thanked Allah for his life and for his companionship. I owe my life to him.
We met in the most unpleasing circumstances you could ever imagine. The very first time I set my eyes on Ahmed, I was in a hospital bed and I had just woken up from a comma that lasted for about six months. It was on twenty-first day into the sixth month that I gained consciousness. I couldn’t imagine what my family must have gone through. I was told there were only three survivors in the accident I was involved, and Ahmed was the reason we were this fortunate. I couldn’t remember much but I had a very clear memory of all the people on the bus and how cheerful and optimistic we all felt. It was quite unfortunate but that was the decree of Allah. No one knows what the future holds or what tomorrow shall bring forth. The appointed time is known by Allah alone. Indeed, to Allah do we belong, and to Him is our return. I felt extremely sad when Ahmed narrated the entire rescue mission to me. He was not involved in the accident but he happened to come along that way with his colleague engineers. He said they were returning from the mines and were very tired. They were looking forward to going home and getting some rest after a long three-month project in some remote area but their plans changed when they came upon the accident scene.
According to Ahmed, our bus collided with an oil tanker. The bus somersaulted into the bushes whiles the tanker unfortunately exploded killing everyone in it. He told me majority of the people in my bus died from broken spins and necks. He also said I was in a seat belt and that saved me as well as a nursing mother and her baby. I finally appreciated the noise daddy made about the seat belt.
At the hospital, mummy introduced Ahmed to me formally. She seemed to be fond of him. She told me he had always come to the hospital since the very day he rushed me in and she said he had been very supportive. I was very thankful to this stranger. After I was discharged and recovering at home, he still came visiting. He was very kind and gentle. He respected my family a lot and they all liked him.
One night, my parents came to my room. The moment I saw them, I realized there was trouble. My heart started pounding hard against my chest. I embraced myself and sat with them. They exchanged glances as if they were trying to communicate something to each other. I shook my head in amusement and waited for them patiently to decide who was to go first. My guess was right, mum lost to dad. What a stubborn fellow he could be. I wished I could help mum spit the words out but I was clueless.
After hearing what they had to say, I applauded them for the way they handled the issue and helped me heal first. I had a pelvic fracture from the accident which was currently been managed. The doctor said I may never heal completely or have kids. He said my ovum was acting dormant too because of the trauma and the long bed rest.
I was heart-broken and completely shuttered. I was fascinated by little children and always looked forward to the day I would be blessed with my own. But that dream was erased from my heart. It was painful but I had to be strong for my family. I was the only child of my parents. I was all they had. How I wished I could give them several grand kids. However, Allah was sufficient for us. I prayed every day for strength to live and take care of my family. I gave up on marriage completely. Who would accept a barren woman? I resumed work that same week and visited all my shops. Mum did a great job taking charge whiles I was at the hospital. Everything just looked great; the restaurant, boutique and the gallery.
That weekend, mum organized a small family get-together. Our family and friends were invited and so was Ahmed. He was made the guest of honor, he made lots of jokes at dinner. It was nice having him around. Mum could kill for this guy to be her son. She adored him and so did dad. He pampered her a lot, this woman enjoyed every bit of it. Dad was not left out. He enjoyed watching games with Ahmed and using the poor guy to fix his old stuff, what an opportunist. Ahmed enjoyed helping them .He was quite a handy man.
That evening after dinner, he helped us clean up. I felt he was the big brother I never had. We sat outside for some Turkish tea. We spoke for long hours about a lot of different issues. It was on this very day I experienced a leap of fate. Ahmed asked me to marry him. My strength failed me and every other part of my body was being rebellious after hearing his request. They all did what they wanted. Not once did they listen to me. It was as though what he said rang the fire alarm in me causing panic and fear. It wasn’t long that tears started dropping from my eyes and my nose began to sweat; that how to tell I was nervous. I explained my condition to him and told him it wasn’t possible. He already knew, he was at the hospital with my parents all the time and they considered him family so they involved him in all the processes. He said he had spoken to his parents already and they are ready and waiting for my response. There was nothing to think about. I gave my consent and all that was left was to inform my parents for the necessary formalities to be done.
My parents were in tears when I told them all that transpired between Ahmed and I. They were excited than I was and wanted the nikkah (marriage ceremony) done as soon as possible. We were very simple families. We had a small yet elegant wedding. Many hamd (praise) be to Allah. I still can’t express my gratitude for the divine ease and joy He brought my parents and me. Ahmed and I knew exactly what we were going into, a marital life with no kids. It was quite hard, very hard. We started a foundation for kids which supported and provided for sick and needy children physically, mentally and academically. It brought us a lot of joy.
This was the tenth year into our marriage. I was crying because the past came to haunt us or better still to rub in our reality. Ahmed took me upstairs. He made a warm bath for me and helped me change out of my clothes. I was very weak and still sobbing. He told me to take a shower and pray my salat (obligatory prayer) while he prepared dinner. I didn’t have the strength to rebel today. I pitied him a lot.
After praying, I remained seated like a statue. I couldn’t even think anymore. I was praying for strength to talk to my husband. I was praying for wisdom to communicate. It was hard. I knew I had to explain myself sooner or later. I decided sooner. Nothing made sense to me. I was confused and scared.
He soon came upstairs with a tray. There was some water, orange juice and spaghetti. What did I expect? That was the only good food my husband could brag about and he made so much noise about it all the time. We all loved his spaghetti though, especially daddy. He was his biggest fan. Ahmed tried to feed me a few spoons but I shook my head in disapproval. Food was the least of my worries. I only agreed to take in a few spoons after seeing how sad he looked. I hated that feeling. I also had a sip of water and juice. He wiped my mouth clean and just sat there staring at me. I avoided his gaze. He was trying to read me as usual. He asked if I wanted to talk. I nodded in the affirmative but still said nothing. He told me he was dropping the tray down stairs and to be back. The moment the door shut behind him, my eyes began to water. I started pacing the room thinking of how to tell him.
I always thought of myself as a brave woman but that day, I stripped myself of that title. I could hear him moving things around from the kitchen. The moment I stopped hearing sounds, I knew he was heading back. Nervous would be an understatement, I was on fire. I suddenly heard my phone ring. It was in my bag downstairs. He shouted he would get it for me so I shouldn’t worry. I waited patiently and my nerves showed me no mercy. He was taking too long to get here so I decided to go downstairs. Before I could get to the door of the bedroom, it flanked open. I looked into his eyes, something had changed .He was looking strange. I had never seen my husband in this state. He had tears in his eyes.
He had my phone in one hand and a brown envelope in another. I was certain he came across the envelope in my bag while he was searching for my phone. It was obvious he knew the content of the letter now. I began to sober really loud. I wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what was appropriate at that moment. I wondered what was running through his mind. Would it have been less difficult if he had come with me to the hospital? I just didn’t know what to do.
Earlier that week, I suddenly felt sick but Ahmed had an important meeting. Though he insisted on going with me to the hospital, I managed to convince him I was capable of going on my own and I promised to call mum if I needed help. That was the hospital report in his hands. He had just discovered something serious and I was just hoping he was not going to curse himself for making me go through this crucial moment all by myself.
I walked towards him thinking of something to say. We were all looking terrible, he was crying and so was I. Before I could say anything, he took my jaws in his palms and kissed my forehead. He said; “habibti (my dear), Allah has granted us our own bundle of miracles, Alhamdulillah”. He then hugged me. It was within this hug that I began to think clearly. This wasn’t a joke or a confusion because the test was done several times for confirmation. It was Allah’s miracle, His Rahma. We were going to be parents after ten years of marriage when all hope was lost. I suddenly remembered and appreciated this verse from the Glorious Qur’an:
‘’Allah knows what every female bears, and by how much the wombs fall short or exceed. Everything with Him is in due proportion. All knower of the unseen and the seen. The Most Great, the Most High”. [surah Ar Ra’d(13):8-9]
Today is Saturday, Imaan and Ihsan, our twin girls, are with their grandparents spending the weekends. Ahmed is working on daddy’s old tractor and I am here; at home sipping my coffee whilst working. Never despair of the mercy of Allah no matter your situation or how long you have waited. There is always ease after every hardship and Allah sends glad tidings to the believers who when afflicted with calamity, they endure with a beautiful patience. And Trust Allah with all your heart. It is only a matter of time before everything falls in place. May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon the Holy Prophet (SAW), His companions and upon us!
NB: Images are not that of original couple in the above story.